AmericanIdle DaBoyZ gone Idle

• Why does Barack Obama refuse to cultivate a warm, tender relationship with George W. Bush? Is it because Bush is the jackass who is largely responsible for all the problems that are making Obama’s life so miserable? Or is it because Obama is a mean old sourpuss, and racist against Texans as well? The second one, probably. Did you notice that Barack Obama didn’t even bother to thank Bush for starting the Iraq War the other day, when Obama went on TV to announce that we’d won it? That’s not gratitude. [NYT]
• Thanks to the Citizens United decision, an anti-abortion group can start running ads against Democrats because they voted for the health care bill — remember, the health care bill that pissed off all the pro-choice people because it limits abortion coverage? [WP]
• Democrats have finally realized that maybe people would be less likely to vote for David Vitter if they found out he liked to wear diapers and consort with prostitutes. [Fox]
• BP’s “little accident” has cost the company $8 billion so far. How can they pay for this mess, unless they’re allowed to drill for oil in the Gulf using their other explosion-prone oil rigs? [BBC/NYT]

1998-throwback site Bare-Naked Islam treats the Muslim issue with smart commentary and reasoned discourse. Haha, just kidding, it’s just the worst batshit-crazy paranoid trash-dump of truly bizarre xenophobic bullshit you’re likely to see. Just remember, Islamaphobia isn’t real, it’s just a media fantasy perpetuated by your Wonkette:

MUSLIMS ARE LIKE DOGS……
……except Muslims use mosques instead of urine to mark their territory.

The Intelligence of Dogs gives us the classical explanation of this myth: “All canines use urine … to mark the limits of their territories. In males this marking behavior is usually accompanied by leg lifting to direct the urine against large objects (trees, rocks, bushes) to place the scent at nose height for other dogs and to allow the scent to radiate over a large area. Some African wild dogs … scrabble as high up the trunk of a tree as possible before squirting their message.”

[Muslims use mosques to mark their conquests. In Muslim males, this marking behavior is usually accompanied by leg lifting against large objects (buildings in Manhattan, temples in Jerusalem, churches in Egypt, temples in India, etc.) to allow the structure to be seen from as wide an area as possible.]

First of all, dogs urinate far beyond the boundaries or limits of their so-called territory. Dogs don’t just urinate on large objects, but on vertical objects (trees, posts), unfamiliar or inorganic objects (tires, plastic bags, fire hydrants), and on top of another dog’s urine (males usually urinate on top of another male’s scent, but not on top of a female’s).

[Muslims mosquefy an area far beyond the boundaries of decency and sensitivity. Muslims don't just leave their mark on large objects but on vertical objects as well (high rise buildings), and on top of infidel burial sites (Ground Zero)]

And yes, this is really on there:

“When asked why he put the ad up, DeJean told CNN Thursday that ‘I’m a dentist and I don’t think this country is headed in the right direction.’” THANK YOU, WILLIAM DEJEAN. That’s what we’ve all been thinking. We are dentists and we don’t think this country is headed in the right direction! We are dentists and we don’t think this country is headed in the right direction! WE ARE DENTISTS AND WE DON’T THINK THIS COUNTRY IS HEADED IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION!

DeJean adds that he thinks people are having buyer’s remorse about President Barack Obama and says the current administration is ruining the Democratic Party. He says he spent $5,000 to create the commercial and tells CNN that besides New Orleans, the ad will run in Washington, New York and Los Angeles, and possible Houston. DeJean says he chose to first run the ad in New Orleans because he’s a native of the city and because the city’s in the news due to the fifth anniversary of Hurricane Katrina.

“I didn’t expect to see any ads about 2012 before the midterms in 2010, although this will likely not be a big TV buy, Mr. DeJean clearly is motivated to see change,” says Evan Tracey, Campaign Media Analysis Group and CNN’s consultant on political TV ad spending.

Yes, you don’t expect it, but never underestimate the will of random crazy citizens of the United States to buy crazy ads.

CUE BLUE LASER BEAMS! CUE INSPIRING CHILDREN’S-MOVIE MUSIC! CUE WEIRD GIANT LOGO WITH CHARCOAL DRAWING OF HILLARY!

Let’s get this 2012 campaign rolling! Let’s do it for dentistry! [CNN]

A very nerdy-voiced Marxist was savagely grabbed at by a crazed American flag fetishist last weekend because he KNOWINGLY trespassed on the Restoring Honor Rally’s sacred no-sign holy ground. This heroic rascal-less woman was clearly in the right, as these blatant Muslims flagrantly broke the First Commandment by putting the gods of Allah above his holiness, Glenn Beck. [YouTube]

Trig Palin is a hot commodity, and when you say he’s at places he’s definitely not, you have to answer to Ben Smith! Ben Smith did not care for the Journalism in that Vanity Fair Sarah Palin piece, as we noted yesterday, but now he has done some digging and found out Trig wasn’t even at an event the piece said he was at. It turns out the Down Syndrome baby at that event was just some random Down Syndrome baby, and not Trig, who commands a hefty $100,000-a-pop speaking rate and won’t even step foot in Missouri and risk being compared to his political rival, Roy Blunt.

The problem: Trig wasn’t at the event, according to its organizer, Karladine Graves, a 61-year-old Kansas City physician, who, in 2009, founded one of the wave of new local conservative groups, this one called Preserving American Liberty. The “woman, perhaps a nanny,” was the boy’s mother, St. Louis talk radio host Gina Loudon, according to Graves.

…

Graves also said the reporter never asked her if the boy was Trig and that she never got a call from a Vanity Fair fact checker. (She also said she largely declined to cooperate with the story in the first place, which, as with the general Palin coverage, is an explanation for inaccuracy without being an excuse for it.)

“I was disappointed because the article is not true,” she said. “Trig wasn’t even at the event.”

Disappointed, eh? No, you are disappointed you didn’t get a piece of that Trig star power at your event. And that’s why you probably implied to the Vanity Fair guy that you landed Sarah Palin AND Trig at your event.

Trig’s people, interestingly, have been totally silent on this issue (unlike Sarah’s). But Trig has his eyes on the prize. This is the time to float above it all and expand that Trig brand, not touch the divisive issues. He doesn’t need to deign to weigh into these petty media squabbles. And he knows Ben Smith will have his back anyway. [Politico]

It is a Well-Known Fact that Michele Bachmann hates all the gays. But did you know that her husband is a Christian mental-health-therapist-helper-counselor who can wash that gay right out of your hair? This is a rumor, on the Internets. It IS true that he is a therapist and that he provided some helpful tips for curing the gayness on some wingnut radio show earlier this year! So here’s your Michele with her latest incoherent screechfest, complete as always with thoughts on homosexuality.

[Sara Benincasa's YouTube Land]

It’s only been a couple of months since the Gulf of Mexico stopped injecting itself with that luscious BP oil, and now, after another oil platform explosion off the coast of Louisiana, the Gulf has fallen off the wagon again. Hey, BRO, that oil is ours and is very expensive. Get your salty SEA hands off of it. “A mile-long sheen is now visible,” the Coast Guard said. A sheen? Oh, like the famous actor family!

The platform is a fixed petroleum platform that was in production at the time of the fire.

It was producing about 58,800 gallons of oil and 900,000 cubic feet of gas per day. The platform can store 4,200 gallons of oil.

Hmm, you’re going to have to do better than that, baby oil spill. When the Gulf gets a jonesing for that sweet, satisfying oil, it needs MILLIONS.

White House press secretary Robert Gibbs said President Barack Obama was in a national security meeting and did not know whether Obama had been informed of the explosion.

Another administration failure. The president needs to have a webcam pointed to the Gulf around Louisiana so he can monitor the oil wells and other sources of Poseidon trickery at all times. [AP]

HE HAS THE VOTES. In the musical that will be made about Mitch McConnell’s life, this will be one of the songs: “He Has the Votes.” It will be a neo-Negro-spiritual song. YES, Mitch McConnell said he’s already locked up the votes to keep his minority (MAJORITY?) leader job in the next Congress, so you journalists will have to find something else to ask Rand Paul about.

“I already have the votes to be reelected Republican leader, and I will be reelected,” he said on ABC’s “Top Line” webcast.

Do you see any other Republican senators getting booked on this webcast? NO. Only Mitch McConnell can. And that’s the sheer power of the current Senate minority leader.

Still, many of the Republican candidates the party needs to win this fall have unseated some incumbent GOP senators in primaries, raising the fear that those new members might be less loyal to party leadership. In particular, speculation has hinted that they might feel more loyal to Sen. Jim DeMint (R-S.C.), who has supported a number of those candidates through his Senate Conservatives Fund.

(DeMint has said he has no plans to challenge McConnell, but has hinted that he might run for another leadership position.)

Well, certainly Alvin Greene would like a leadership position too, but you don’t see him getting all presumptuous about it. One election at a time, Jim! [The Hill]

Happy 5th Katrina Anniversary, Louisiana! And don’t feel bad because, uh, New England is getting your Labor Day Weekend hurricane. You’ve got a new oil spill! AP/WWL Channel 4 New Orleans reports:

Coast Guard spokesman Bill Colclough said all 13 people have been accounted for and that one of them was injured. The injured person is going to be taken to Terrebonne General Medical Center.

The Coast Guard is saying that a mile-long oil sheen is spreading from the site of the Mariner Energy-owned platform.

This would be the platform that exploded earlier today.

Once upon a time, Rachel Maddow enjoyed listening to Glenn Beck’s goofy rants on the radio. This is why we claim Glenn Beck was once her “secret radio boyfriend” in the headline, because these two things are one and the same, as you very well know:

Maddow actually considers Beck something of a professional influence. “Glenn Beck was my favorite person of all time in radio. When he was in talk radio God wasn’t speaking to him,” she said. “He was funny and much more performative than anyone. He’s amazing in talk radio. He was a political guy. It was him ranting and raving and you sort of felt he didn’t take it seriously.”

Rachel! How could you? Ew.

FreedomWorks is a sparkling beacon of truth, a special Made In China sweatshop beacon that turns into a Dick Armey-shaped sponge when you place it in a glass of water. So why do liberals keep emailing FreedomWorks hateful messages such as “eat a turd sandwich and then drop dead, preferably at this very moment”? It’s gotten so bad that FreedomWorks has decided to move its headquarters. Ha ha, in your face liberals, now the MAILER-DAEMON will return all of your hatemails because sorry, wrong email address, FreedomWorks has moved across town! Oh also maybe FreedomWorks is moving because its lease is up and it found a cheaper place to live so really it has nothing to do with fleeing from liberal death threats? Sigh.

FreedomWorks told more than one reporter that a growing number of death threats received by the organization is forcing FreedomWorks to spend precious GOTV funds on an unexpected move to a “high-security” building across D.C. from their current headquarters near the FBI Building.

But the reporting on the move left out the fact that FreedomWorks’ change in location also comes at the end of the group’s existing lease, and — according to one source familiar with FreedomWorks’ real estate deals — their new headquarters offers them cheaper rent than their current home. And despite reports of increased threats, the group won’t be moving until months after the election is over.

So basically FreedomWorks found this fabulous new apartment in Petworth and utilities are included and the gang is just so excited to move in. How is this “news” again? Oh right because an ecoterrorist took hostages at the Discovery Channel building and demanded Dick Armey spay himself or else. And now FreedomWorks must flee! [TPM]

The three-day fuckoff of BBQs and booze that marks the end of summer is unfortunately here. Real Americans are taking the dollar or two they have left in their bank accounts, loading their Winnebagos with beef jerky, and heading to the local landfill for the weekend. But if you’re doing Labor Day the Elite Way and sticking around the Nation’s Capital, you can enjoy yourself only if you listen to us and do at least three-quarters of the things on our handy-dandy guide to this purposeless day/weekend of rest.

• Saint-Ex: And, here, look, a BBQ and some booze: Saint-Ex is shutting down T Street NW on Monday from 11AM-5PM for a Labor Day BBQ. $10 gets you pulled pork, homemade potato salad and fresh coleslaw. Beer will be discounted as well. And because you can’t have a Labor Day boozefest unless it somehow saves the children, ALL the proceeds from the event are going to the Fillmore Arts Center.
• Solly’s: Another BBQ and boozefest, only this one is at Solly’s and it offers FREE BBQ, PBR on SALE (actually reasonably priced?) for $2, and the chance to play Connect Four on an oversized game board. In case you didn’t think it could get any better, you can give all the money you save on PBR to charity — the event’s also a fundraiser for the Capital Area Food Bank.
• Music on the Mall: The National Symphony Orchestra is hosting a Labor Day Capitol Concert Sunday on the Mall starting at 8PM. It’s a free thing that you may feel compelled to do for no other reason than it’s free. The same logic applies to the Corcoran Gallery of Art — this is the last Saturday where admission is free.
• Baseball: The Nats are … still around? Sure. Watching a baseball game is a very Labor Day weekend thing to do. On Monday they play the New York Mets at 1:05PM.
• Pool Parties: Everyone’s favorite hipsters are wrapping up their summer camp pool parties at the Capitol Skyline this weekend, which is sad? The $15 ticket includes drinks, squirt guns, music, and tons of free shit. Most of the DC public pools — which are an excellent source of FREE refreshment — are closing for the summer on Monday, September 6, which IS sad.
• Jazz in the Garden: The second-to-last Jazz in the Garden is this Friday. Yes, it will be unbearably hot in the garden, but sitting on the grass in the miserable heat with friends and alcohol is What One Does in DC in the summer, so ignore all the reasons why it’s terrible and go!

Jackie Mason defends Teabaggers? Ah, what are you gonna do. [WND]

Hooray! Everybody have a taco parade!

Justice Department civil rights lawyers filed suit against Sheriff Joe Arpaio of Arizona on Thursday after talks collapsed on a deal to provide federal investigators with requested documents.

The suit, filed in federal court in Phoenix, Arizona, claims the Maricopa County sheriff has failed to cooperate with the investigation into alleged discrimination against Hispanics by Arpaio’s law enforcement officials.

The federal action became virtually certain after the sheriff’s office last Friday rejected the government’s demands in an open letter posted on the county’s website.

We sincerely hope some Justice Department person walked up to Sheriff Arpaio and said, “Oh by the way we are suing you,” and then danced a super-sassy macarena right in front of his face.

South Korea just wanted to sell 850,000 antique guns to American collectors, which is not a big deal! At least the Obama Administration didn’t think so last year, when its flouncy minions heard the word “antique” and quickly approved the sale. But then the Obamars realized that this was about Korean War-era M1 rifles, not old carnival glass, and sneakily reversed their decision, Fox News reports. To add insult to accidental shooting injury, these libtards don’t even know anything about the M1 gun thingies they hate so much.

An anonymous government spokes-Stalinist told Fox that the Obama Administration developed “concerns” about what Americans might want to do with the rifles. What kind of concerns, you ask? Fox News tried very hard to get an answer from the government, but instead got the runaround:

Asked why the M1s pose a threat, the State Department spokesman referred questions to the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives. ATF representatives said they would look into the question Monday afternoon, but on Wednesday they referred questions to the Justice Department. DOJ spokesman Dean Boyd referred questions back to the State Department.

[...]

The White House referred questions on the issue to the Pentagon, which referred questions to the U.S. Embassy in South Korea, which deferred back to the State Department.

The National Rifle Association’s chief lobbyist is calling the Administration’s reversal “a de facto gun ban, courtesy of Hillary Clinton’s State Department,” which sounds about right. Meanwhile, gun rights advocates are speaking out at places across America, from Stubby’s Dawgs ‘n’ Wingz (out there on the highway, just past the landfill and hang a right), to the Guns & Ammo forum. One forumista (they really go nuts with the emoticons over there, by the way) surely speaks for all of us when he writes:

I would LOVE to get my hands on a few M1 carbines. They would be cheap if 850,000 came into the country.

Like MLK, that man had a dream. But dreams have no place in today’s America. WAKE UP SHEEPLE. [Fox News/Guns 'n' Ammo forum]

Evan Bayh wants everyone to know that Democrats are going to lose a lot of seats in the midterms this year. “I think it’s of comparable magnitude,” he said, referring to party losses in 1980 and 1994. One of those seats the Democrats will lose is Bayh’s, because he likes to drop out of elections he is afraid of losing, so he’s not running this year. So should all Democrats drop out and just hand the Republicans their seats like Evan Bayh? Yes, of course. Good politics, that.

Bayh said that an enthusiasm gap among Democrats and Republicans was a major contributor to the woes his party would face this fall. Democratic voters, Bayh said, were “let down,” though he said he thought such a sentiment was “unreasonable.”

The Indiana senator, whose father suffered defeat in the 1980 elections, said he thought it would be difficult for President Obama and Democratic leaders in Congress to get off the course on which they’re heading, toward major electoral losses in November.

He said that some bread-and-butter stimulus items, like a payroll tax cut, might limit Democratic losses, “at least at the margins.”

Cool idea. Thanks for the freebie, Evan Bayh. Democrats know you’re not going to put any more effort into this thing, so they appreciate that.

In conclusion, the economy sucks, so people don’t like you, and it’s the perfect time to just quit your job. And Evan Bayh still feels like commenting about things while sipping his piña coladas with a silver spoon, or something like that. [The Hill]

Once again, your Wonkette has made it big and famous on the teevee. Our Russian comrades invited us back (in the form of one of us wearing some sort of denim workshirt) to talk about the Sarah Palin and the Sharron Angle and Laura Bush’s sexy rug, which a couple of black persons threw in the garbage JUST LIKE THEY’VE THROWN OUR NATION IN THE GARBAGE. Behold, as two ladies talk about things, on the television-box. [RT/The Alyona Show]

Apparently the Mexicans who write Jan Brewer’s opening statements all got deported! [Ben Smith via Political Wire]