AmericanIdle DaBoyZ gone Idle

THE OTHER DICK DROPS: Reader “Ben H.” suggested Wonkette liveblog Eric Massa’s appearance on Glenn Beck this afternoon. Wonkette, however, is not capable of watching the Glenn Beck Show under any circumstances. This is unfortunate because: “Representative Eric J. Massa, who resigned from Congress amid allegations of sexual misconduct, vehemently denied any wrongdoing during a television appearance late on Tuesday even as he described having tickle fights with staffers in a house they shared. But he insisted that was as far as it went.” HAHAHAHAHAH. Tickle fights are actually gayer than anal sex, is the thing. [NYT]

Last week, the Washington Post published a front-page photo of two (gay?) men kissing in the courthouse’s “gay marriage line.” Many readers were furious. Today, Washington Post ombudsman Andrew Alexander determines once and for all whether this gay kiss ever even happened.

No, something else. He is determining once and for all… something else. Was it inappropriate for the Post to display this news photo of hot man-on-man sexy kiss time so prominently in its print newspaper, which America’s seniors read in the privacy of their own homes?

A few of the readers have engaged in rants, often with anti-gay slurs. One called me to complain about “promoting a faggot lifestyle.” Another complained about the photo in an e-mail to the two Post reporters who wrote Thursday’s story about the licenses: “That kind of stuff makes normal people want to throw up. People have kids who are being exposed to this crap. I will be glad when your rag goes out of business. Real men marry women.”

But most simply said The Post had offended their sensibilities by publishing the photo, especially on the front page.

[...]

Wrote Lee Miller of Columbia: “I would appreciate it if your cover pictures would not be so disturbing where my kids can see it easily on the kitchen table… please don’t shove this “Gay” business in our face. This is something that should have shown up on an inside page or two (without the picture).”

In comments to the ombudsman’s call-in line (202.334.7582), one reader said, “the picture of two guys kissing makes me cringe.” Another called it “ridiculous,” adding: “Put it on page 10 or page four, put it in the paper, but I do not like it right there where I can’t avoid looking at it.”

Summary:

– No fucking gay faggots should be on the front page, stupid fucking faggots. Real faggots marry women.

– “Gay business” should not be shoved down my kids’ throats.

– Show the photo on an inside page and don’t show the photo.

– Don’t put the photo on the front page, because then people can’t help but stare at it constantly, amirite? (Thank you, caller got-no-pants.)

Ombudsman Andrew Alexander, however, insults all of these folks in his final paragraph:

There was a time, after court-ordered integration, when readers complained about front-page photos of blacks mixing with whites. Today, photo images of same-sex couples capture the same reality of societal change.

Ha ha, who says these same complainers ever accepted the black/white photographs? ASK ‘EM ABOUT THOSE, IN 2010.

Readers react to photo of two men kissing [WP/Omblog]

WEIRD EDWARDS SLAVE & WIFE LITERALLY GOING TO JAIL FOR 100 YEARS: Holy potatoes, the judge actually went through with it! This is bigger than Judy Miller and Obama combined: “PITTSBORO, NC (WTVD) — A judge ordered Andrew Young and his wife jailed Tuesday until they produce a sex tape in the lawsuit filed against them by John Edwards’ mistress Rielle Hunter.” SHOW THE INTERNET FIRST. [ABC 11]

Look everyone, Red State’s Erick Erickson is trying to pilfer more money from Amazon.com, with gimmicks! (ERICK HOW CAN WE DO THIS TOO?)

What happened yesterday is that Charlie Crist suggested Marco Rubio got a back wax, and now Erick Erickson wants people to send back wax to Charlie Crist. HEY-O!

We’re glad that the right wing is caring about this Florida Senate primary, so we don’t have to. Interestingly, Erickson suggests that this Crist comment may have been racially motivated, since Rubio is Mexican like the dickens, and illegals all have back hair. SO NOW EVERYONE IS RACIST, IS WHAT YOU’RE SAYING ERICK? Stupid liberals.

[RedState via Instaputz]

BECAUSE THE FART APP ALONE CANNOT DEFEND FREEDOM: “Those who dismiss the Tea Party movement as a bunch of rednecks may be interested to know that the Tea Party Patriots now have a new iPhone app.” Indeed! Originally designed as a GPS device for locating Thomas Jefferson’s expertly hidden geocaches, “The Tea Party Finder” can also backwards-fax Scott Brown an annotated copy of the Articles of Confederation with a preface by Ayn Rand written in glitter-sharpie. It also lets you Chatroulette with random Tea Party Leaders and their respective dangly bits. [HuffPo]

MASSA WAS JUST COLD SLAMMIN’ EVERYBODY: It seems there’s more to the crazy Eric Massa sexytime allegations than him drunkenly telling some dude, at a wedding, how much he wanted to bone: “Former Rep. Eric Massa (D-N.Y.) has been under investigation for allegations that he groped multiple male staffers working in his office, according to three sources familiar with the probe. The allegations surrounding the former lawmaker date back at least a year, and involve ‘a pattern of behavior and physical harassment,’ according to one source.” Where’s the problem? These staffers are all such prudes. [Washington Post]

Sleazy but “better than John Edwards” person Andrew Young, who illegally sucked John Edwards off every night before bedtime until realizing “hey I can write a tell-all and make big bucks,” is in super big-time trouble. A judge is threatening to send him and his wife Cheri — that’s his real wife; his fake wife is Rielle Hunter — to jail for lying, on the record, about how many people they showed the John Edwards Sex Tape. Was it just a few agents and one ABC News producer, in public, as they suggested? Or was it to all sorts of New York journalists on his big screen teevee, late at night, during epic masturbation parties?

Andrew Young previously said he showed the sex tape to a producer for ABC and two book agents. After that, lawyers for Rielle Hunter, Edwards’ mistress who Young says also appeared in the video, produced an affidavit from a ghost writer who previously worked for Edwards, Robert Draper of New York.

Draper swore in the document that on March 31, 2009, he and Young met at the Youngs’ house. After Cheri Young had gone to bed, Andrew Young offered to show Draper the sex tape and played it on a big screen television in his office from his laptop, which suggested there was a digital copy stored on the laptop.

Young has turned over the original tape and a VHS copy. Federal agents have a DVD copy, but Young has sworn that other copies do not exist. He also did not disclose that he had shown it to Draper.

So this Andrew Young keeps it on his laptop and jerks off to it every night, with cool journalists.

Finally, some closure that we can believe in.

Young ‘lied’ about Edwards sex tape; judge considering contempt [Charlotte Observer]

Because this world is filled with one too many closeted Republicans who hate the gays, despite wanting them ALL THE TIME, and because today is Gay Wedding Day here in DC, it’s only appropriate that we celebrate gayness in all its forms. So we focus on Logan Circle, a gayborhood that’s still gay despite mass infiltration by straight folk who flock there because produce is just better wherever the gays are (a fact of gentrification). Logan Circle, with its Whole Foods and fancy yoga shops, is home to super trendy restaurant Masa 14, a Latin-Asian fusion small plates restaurant, where the food is great, the gays and straights mingle, and everyone wins because it has a 65-foot-long bar. (more…)

Masa 14 may be a small plates restaurant, but, we swear, you can get enough food for not a ton of money. Plus the atmosphere is very fun and modern without being overly ridiculous.

The menu is divided between cold food (including sushi and salads) and hot food (including flatbreads, meats, seafood, noodles, rice, and vegetables). We will now take you on a journey though the hot food section of the Masa 14 menu.

When you call a pizza a flatbread, it no longer qualifies as Italian food, it’s now Latin/Asian fusion food! This is the Thai Chicken Flatbread and it’s made with hoisin peanut sauce, red onions, cilantro, carrots, and everyone’s favorite, bean sprouts. It’s large, feeds at least four people, and only costs $8. Another delicious option is the Wild Mushroom Flatbread which is made with Oaxaca cheese, red peppers, and avocado. Masa 14: gay, straight, and vegetarian friendly!

Our journey now takes us to the seafood portion of the hot foods menu. Behold: the crispy crab won ton rolls. Only $9 for four good size rolls filled with crab, cream cheese, mushrooms and spicy ponzu sauce.

What would a Latin/Asian fusion restaurant be without … noodles! Look at these yummy noodles and the scary looking prawn on top:

Such is our journey though the hot food items at Masa 14, but two more important things remain: dessert and the happy hour. Below is the mango panna cotta. Not only does it taste good, but it also comes with a fancy fruit roll-up type thing.

The happy hour is what we call a great deal: from 5PM-7PM, Monday through Friday, select appetizers including the steamed mussels and tuna hand roll, and select drinks, including their famous strawberry lemonade, are only $4.

Anything else? Right, it’s got a 65-foot-long bar, a kitchen that stays open late, and a calm, adult atmosphere that’s a nice break from the smaller, louder, places on 14th Street.

Masa 14, 1825 14th Street Northwest, Washington, DC 20009-4425, (202) 328-1414

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Have you read all of Karl Rove’s memoir Me, Poop, Trash, & Gargoyles and presented your findings to your fellow unemployment line decorations yet, at the Water Cooler? You have?? Lucky. Well then surely you remember the part where Rove reveals how George W. Bush kept trying to get Fred Smith, the FedEx shipping company CEO, to become Secretary of Defense constantly, because he was serious about wars and terror.

It was a long road to Robert Gates’ Texas chateau in 2006, we learn:

It had to be a seamless move from the old secretary of defense to the new, and we couldn’t make that happen. That summer, I looked into whether FedEx CEO Fred Smith, Bush’s original choice for the post in 1999, was now available. He wasn’t.

Ha ha. As soon as Fred Smith learned that Rumsfeld was on the outs, he immediately hid and told his wife to disconnect the telephone. Because he ran a mail company! A MAIL COMPANY!

Why did Bush love this mailman so much? Probably because they were frat brothers at Yale, where George W. Bush met most people he knew. Fred Smith did serve in the Marines, though, so he would be the perfect candidate for privatizing the military, and what remained of the Postal Service.

MAIL MAN/SANTELLI ‘12.

[Washington Independent]

RUSH LIMBAUGH TO FLEE CRUSHING BOOT OF OBAMAKKKARE: “I’ll just tell you this, if this passes and it’s five years from now and all that stuff gets implemented — I am leaving the country. I’ll go to Costa Rica.” AND EAT THEM ALL! (Don’t get too excited. By “all that stuff,” he was referring to America’s richest people no longer being able to get whatever medical treatment they want at any time. This stuff will never be implemented, unfortunately, because who wouldn’t want all rich people to die, painfully?) [Think Progress]

What has become of Washington’s beloved comedy animal, Butterstick the Panda Bear? If this tragic BBC News photo is to be trusted, the once-adored animal is now a beaten, sad-faced monster finally let out of its horror jail after god knows how many weeks. It’s probably crazier than John McCain at this point, and looks just as mean and stupid. [BBC News via Wonkette Operative "Alex P."]

In Iowa, some marblemouth gal is calling up folks and telling them to ask Rick Santorum “to apologize for his long-time support of radical pro-abortion politicians!” Huh? Oh, just Christine Todd Whitman and Arlen Specter, like 10 years ago, when they were really powerful Republicans. Jesus. Iowa in 2012 will not be like Iowa in 2008. (MORE CORN THEN.) [Salon War Room]

On this glorious morning in DC, the first legal weddings of the homosexuals took place. Hooray! And all thanks to Supreme Court Chief Justice John “Gay” Roberts, who so loves his people that he didn’t overturn the local law or call for mass arrests or appoint George W. Bush president. About a hundred couples are expected to exchange vows today, and then there will be no more sadness, because they too can register for a bunch of shit from Crate & Barrel. [Washington Times/Fox News]

Stucco housing tracts, evil investment banks, ugly big-box retail strips, dumb show-off high-rises, land-raping golf resorts, Hummers — the nation’s financial collapse has taken down so many awful trophies of American Culture, we should probably send it a Thank You note, maybe with a Linens ‘n Things gift card. But who can afford a card, or postage, when we’re all either out of work or making a lot less money or barely hanging on to some diseased sham of a career that probably never should’ve been a career anyway? What is next for this nation’s Shame Parade? Foreclosures of Napa vineyards and wineries, that’s what.

The Bloomberg Terminal reports:

In California’s Napa Valley, producer of the most expensive U.S. wines, 2010 may be a vintage year for foreclosures as the industry is squeezed by falling land values and a consumer shift to cheaper brands ….

More than 30 wineries are for sale in California, Oregon and Washington, the most ever, according to Rob McMillan, executive vice president and founder of the wine division of Silicon Valley Bank, a unit of SVB Financial Group in Santa Clara, California. The properties have too much debt, were new arrivals to the wine market or have owners who are looking to retire as competition rises and profit margins fall, he said.

Some Napa land deals that were never publicly disclosed or confidentially recorded at the county assessor will unravel this year and in 2011.

The best selling wine in America is the “Franzia Box,” made by a Central California industrial winery. But for a few weird years, people with more money than they ever deserved were dropping $500 or $750 a bottle for “cult wines” because, well, they are stupid, tacky people. Also, they could afford it. But no longer.

The definition of “decent bottle of wine” has dropped for all of us, with a 15% decline in sales of over-$30 wines and a 10% decline in bottles over $15.

And that is your wine-foreclosure report for this day in 2010. Soon you’ll be making “prison beer” with orange peel in milk cartons, in jail. [Bloomberg]

Bakersfield anti-gay Republican state senator Roy Ashburn is, of course, queer as a three-dollar bill. And he admitted it! Nice to have such honesty in the Political World of Hate Legislation, and all it took for Roy Ashburn to admit his fondness for wriggling around in another man’s excrement was a) a DUI arrest with some gay buddy as a passenger, and b) everybody saying oh yeah Ashburn is so gay that he was actually at a Latin Drag Queen contest at a gay bar in Sacramento. But why is Ashburn such a gay hater when it comes to his job as a lawmaker?

Over the dozen-plus years that Ashburn has served as a Republican state senator from the cosmopolitan smog farm of Bakersfield, he has consistently voted against anything that aimed to treat homosexuals a little more like other humans.

Why? Ashburn said today in a press conference at a gay bar that he was just such a self-loathing closet case that he took out his own heavily conflicted feelings about his sham of a life on the people he loved most: gay men.

Just kidding. Ashburn said “those votes reflect how constituents in his district wanted him to vote.” [CBS 5]

• Barack Obama is really serious now about pushing that thing he campaigned on a couple of years ago, whatever it was. Senate and House Democrats continue to be insufferable. [Business Week]
• Joe Biden is in the Middle East solving all their problems over there. [BBC News]
• Teen-aged girls will be lined up outside bookstores for the next several months because Twilight heartthrob Arlen Specter is writing a new book. [USA Today]
• A new space engine could get people to Mars in 40 days, rather than six months. Still need a spaceship, though. [Space.com]
• Happy International Women’s Day Week, ladies! And if you don’t want to get fat, you might want to drink more. [New York Times]

Wednesday, March 10: Yes, someone watched you as you walked to work today. In fact, someone watches you every day, everywhere you go, because this is America, where 9/11 happened, so we’ll never forget what you’re wearing, where you’re going and who you’re talking to. This, as the Cato Institute explains, is the mentality consuming everyone, even the dirty, America-hating libruls. [Cato Institute]

• Wednesday, March 10: What’s the best way to find a terrorist? Well, it depends on whether you like John Yoo, or prefer to play nicely. The New America Foundation asks if it’s possible to talk someone out of being crazy, while the Center for American Progress plainly asks when the hell Yoo will be held accountable for making torture an American pastime. [New American Foundation, Center for American Progress]
• Wednesday, March 10: A long, long time ago when the President was in Cairo, he promised something that sounded a lot like there would be peace in the Middle East real soon. 8 months later, the Brookings Institution looks at Iran and its nuclear weapons and the fact that Israelis and Palestinians still hate each other, and asks if the President’s Middle East strategy is anything more than just empty rhetoric? [Brookings Institution]
• Wednesday, March 10: It turns out that we grow terrorists right here in America?! Who knew that dissatisfaction with US policies and crazy people also exist in the US? What happens next? Aside from an increase in domestic terrorism, we also get a discussion all about it from CSIS. [CSIS]
• Friday, March 12: Remember that time when war, not massive, deadly earthquakes, was the thing happening outside America that we were all interested in? Well, we are at war, and CSIS wants you to remember this, AND they want you to know just how the Afghan people feel about the situation: turns out that they just love it! [CSIS]

MICHAEL GOLDFARB HAVING SEX WITH LIZ CHENEY: Disingenuous former Weekly Standard and John McCain 2008 staff robot Michael Goldfarb — now a disingenuous political consulting robot — is working for Liz Cheney now, and has this to say: “I was excited about Palin; I’m more excited about Liz. The same sort of excitement you get when you hear her father, except she’s this petite blonde with five kids … There’s just something about her… You have a little crush on her. It’s hard not to.” Does Michael Goldfarb even remember what Planet Earth looks like? [NY Mag via Andrew Sullivan]

Hey, look at this! The Department of Education “has been conducting a ‘Program Review’ of Kaplan University’s main offices in Fort Lauderdale, Fla., since September. The Post business desk seemed not to notice any of this, but Post investors might want to.” Kaplan is the college loan-shark/test prep death company that makes all of the Washington Post Company’s profits, and now Obama’s Education Department is investigating it for looting the federal government in order to make all of those profits, which are dropping anyway, so that’s kind of funny. [Barron's via Romanesko]